Many people look at Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia and see just
an empty room but a whole host of people are employed (both openly and behind
the scenes) to keep the show on the road. Here is a look at our staff and
acts (in order of impotence):
Brian Damage
website
Brian Damage is the Proprietor & CEO of Pear Shaped
in Fitzrovia. Owning the club is a heavy responsibility and continual
burden. This means that he is hardly ever there. He is often at
Pear Shaped in Sydney because that is geographically about as far away as he
can get. Sometimes he is at his Fringe show (Pear Shaped in Edinburgh)
rubbing shoulders with the A-list and marketing the gig to them as not a
complete waste of time in an empty room. Brian is in charge of booking acts
and being generally affable as head compere. The absence of Brian can
lead to some awful evenings and the deterioration of the Pear into a very bad
club when Mr Miller is left (for want of a better word) in charge.
Krysstal
Krysstal forms part of a unique male/female
double act with Brian Damage, Comedian, Singer and All Round Grumpy Bastard.
Basically she is his PA. Brian, recognizing her irresistible talents,
took Krysstal on as his Glamorous Assistant and is teaching her all about
Show Business by not trusting her with any Management responsibilities and
keeping her nose pressed so permanently flat against the glass ceiling she is
starting to look slightly oriental. |
|
VIDEO
Click
here to watch Anthony being stalked by Debra Jane Appleby |
Ava Alexis
ÒHead Of Human
ResourcesÓ
Ava Alexis was born on December 24, 1922 in
Grabtown, North Carolina. She was the youngest of six children of Mary
Elizabeth and Jonas, an impoverished cotton and tobacco farmer. AvaÕs father
lost his farm when she was two,
and the family moved to West Norwood where her mother worked in a
sawmill. At age 18 she went to
London, where her extraordinary beauty won her a contract as Head of Human
Resources at Pear Shaped. It is AvaÕs job to persuade the punters (or their
boyfriends) to actually part with their money and kick those who wont pay
their way in life OUT! Since Ava is a supporting character very few pictures
of Ava Alexis exist and she is represented here by a picture of the enormous
human seating resources of which she is responsibleÉ She can be seen in three
dimensions at other comedy gigs such as the Chuckle Club or Downstairs at the
Kings Head. Sometimes Mr Miller is allowed to carry her shopping if he has
been good.
Jimbo
Jimbo is head of Publicity. It is his
job to wander around the bar upstairs with a cardboard board on asking people
with no idea what they are letting themselves in for to let themselves
in. This is a deeply degrading position and we are callously exploiting
Jimbo but Jimbo has had no real job in 15 years and since the social services
have told him he no longer exists and can't claim the dole and he hasn't paid
any tax or national insurance since the 1970s he has no choice and it is
still show business. Jimbo spent a considerable time in the army and saw
inactive service during the Cold War where he reached the rank of Cannon
Fodder. Wisely surmising that Mikhail Gorbachev's Glasnost policy might
make soldiers targets once more he embarked on a new career as a pate
salesman before marrying and becoming a household husband. Jimbo has
had several acts over the years... and has changed his style from shouting,
to jumping out of the Comedy Brewhouse window to coughing to rambling stories
to pithy one-liners. He is widely admired as a true original by
people reluctant to book him. He is deputy deputy deputy compere.
El Nino & Becky Munday
El Nino was Head of playing the theme tune
from MASH until he decided to do some gigs with actual punters at them instead.
There is little music in our lives now. Becky Munday was one of a long
line of singers who worked for El Nino until he murdered them and hid their
bodies under the floorboards.
Al Mandolino
Is the replacement for El Nino. Unlike El Nino
for whom everything was the Theme Tune from Mash Al Mandolino prefers poorly
played variety to well practiced monotony. Following the advice of Noel
Coward to "start off with a medley – that way you get rid of
several tunes at once" he plays medleys and is very good at starting. Of
course he canÕt play a single tune from beginning to end yet but he has the
ambition to and we encourage him in this. The result is that by the end of
the evening most people are indeed of the opinion that he has got rid of tunes.
He has been nominated for many awards for his Banjo playing up to and
including Grade 1
Carrie-Anne
Guthrie
Following a shortfall in the number of people
stupid enough to compere the Pear during August because everyone in comedy
who lives within a ten mile radius of central
Mike Belgrave
During Mr Damage's last 6-month tenure at Pear
Shaped in Australia Mike was head of Ethnic Minority Representation.
Being half-Irish, half-caste, half-black and half-stupid it was his job to
maintain our Arts Council Grant from the local council by representing as
many ethnic and minority groups as possible. His jobs involved sitting
in the corner message texting his bits of fluff, sleeping with the women who
are strangely attracted to the frigid Anthony Miller and continually slagging
the gig off in an intensely boring and self-pitying internet blog. So
famous did this blog become that it has been removed from the Internet due to
the large number of people who have threatened him with physical violence
outside the
Peter Buckley-Hill
Peter Buckley-Hill is head of creating
interesting political dilemmas from otherwise innocuous social situations. He
is a man who stands up for himself and cannot be sat on who co-created the
ÒPBH/Laughing Horse Free FringeÓ
which was triumphant in a slightly acrimonious way a bit like the
ÒSDP/Liberal AllianceÓ. He was their David Owen.
Alan Wilde
Before the employment of Ava Alexis, Alan was
Head Caretaker and amusement operative. It was his job to walk round
the corner from a key worker flat in Bonham-Carter House and turn up whenever
a funny comedian has let us down – this is more or less every
Wednesday. Many of you may remember Alan from his walk on cameo as a
shit comedian in episode 5 of Phoenix Nights. Sometimes he was allowed
to talk at the end of the show as the club was being dismantled.
His expertise in X-ray photography was so widely recognised was almost made
redundant in August last year and and has now been redeployed in another area
of the hospital. He was not allowed to compere as this would result in
too much hilarity. After Mr MillerÕs tour of
Andrew OÕNeill
http://www.geocities.com/comedygrind/
Was head of Youth Representation. It was
his job to provide ass-[sic]-kicking original comedy by promoting a
completely different club to Roddy Frasers on the same night as ours and
booking funny people. He was always trying to incite Jimbo into
cottoning on to how exploited he was and thus has been sacked from the role
of deputy deputy deputy deputy compere due to end of our Youth Training
Scheme subsidy. Due to the success of the Troy Club Andrew may be seen
compering at the Pear again in the near future and often pops in and does 10
minutes for the collection of small change. Like Mike Manera, Andrew
O'Neill only books acts he has seen so it is very important for all of us to
be seen with him. His hobbies include calling Winston Churchill a
rapist and making sweeping and trite generalizations about politics that get
up everybodyÕs noses. However, we forgive him because we are all
luvvies at heart and he is funny, highly successful and has been in
Saxondale. His hobbies include asking policemen for their numbers and
prostrating himself on the floor.
Roddy Fraser
Roddy is chief opener. It is Roddy's job
to ring up at short notice and ask if he can open the show. Roddy is
famous for his role as compere of Dropping the Soap, his stacks of amazing
material, his legendary bonhomie and his love of merrymaking. Roddy's
ambition is to make it big in cam cording. To this end he has set up a
collective called ÒComedy OrgyÓ which consists of himself, a
computer he doesnÕt understand and a website he is unable to update.
John Mawer
During Mr Damage's last tour of Australia and
following on from Mr Belgrave's resignation John was head of
philosophy. It was his job to keep spirits up with his endless tales of
his years in the comedic wilderness and prepare the open spots mentally for
the inevitable failure that the gig (and often their careers) would be.
Mr Mawer is an exemplary example of how far you can get in this game if you
keep giving up and having breaks because you're a bit cheesed off. He
is famous for his work with Britain's best Improvisation outfits and is so
good at improv that he has never been in The Laughing Cavaliers. He is deputy
deputy deputy deputy sub-compere. His hobbies are painting scenery and
doing theatrical luvvie stuff. His bouncer abilities are second to
none. http://www.outofthegloom.com/jmawer/links.asp
Sabrina George
Sabrina is head of being shouted
at. It is Sabrina's job to actually listen to people and make them feel
valued – unfortunately having done this she often discovers how
horrible they actually are and why they are at The Pear. She is
often to be found compering in Manchester or listening to Hils Jago rather
than put up with Mr Millers bad manners. When neither Mr Miller nor Mr
Damage can be bothered to turn up she is allowed to use The Pear to practice
her hour-long shows if she promises to fit an open spot in now and
again. She is another victim of the glass ceiling. Sabrina
also runs a website http://www.newcomedyradio.com Apparently "It
is non-material based although a lot of international comics are asking how
they can put their show reel on it. It is comics talking about comedy
from their viewpoint (Not A Millers!) and a panel game/show again talking
about comedy, which will be extended in the future. So far, as of
Tuesday morning we have 262,000 hits from a zero on 20 August Sabrina would
like to know if anyone would like to listen to it on Chortle? Steve
Bennett wont put a link on it or even mention it. Even though he put
the Ed Balls site up with a news feature after 26,000 hits! Who says
comedy is fair?" I wouldn't know because I spend my evenings
watching ITV3 but if you like listening to self-pitying, self-absorbed
comedians talking about their neuroses – this is the link for
you. Sabrina is emergency compere.
Grisha
Grisha is an immigrant from Siberia. If
that isn't complicated enough Grisha is also attempting a character
"Dave Zonk from Israel who "started as a comedy writer for sketches
on television (1998) soon moved to perform Character comedy on TV and stage
(1999-2001) did a few shows on channel 2 in Israel that hosts and commissions
a lot of comedy related projects". The one popular show he
participated in is the 'Eli Yatzpan show" where he did a range of
characters in many sketches. Then did a show called - 'The Kamerite
Five' (which presumably was unpopular). For some reason Dave Zonk has
emigrated to England, knows no one and has had to start at the bottom
again.... at the Pear. No one knows quite why but it is something to do
with figs. As you can imagine Dave Zonk is quite a complex multi-layered
character for someone with the limited English of Grisha from Siberia to
attempt to represent but we think for someone who doesn't exist as far as the
authorities are concerned he gives it a jolly good go.
Dangerous T
Dangerous T is head shadow. It is his
job to sit in a corner in the hope of getting on. He made a sideways
move to being Pam Ford's deputy compere a while back but due to the demise of
her club he has resumed his position as head shadow. He is a big fan
Hills Jago, a big hit with the ladies and has a slight stutter.
Tiernan Douieb
Tiernan runs a club called Fat Tuesday where
he is fat (usually on a Tuesday) and has amusing tiffs with the landlord who
throws him out every now and again. He also has a car. Tiernan
has compered the Pear Shaped once. http://www.tiernandouieb.com/fattuesday/fat_home.htm
However, in an attempt to make the Pear more like the Troy Club we have not
asked him back because he is too mainstream. We are hoping to
manufacture a big falling out with Tiernan, to brand him a social climber and
to have nothing whatsoever to do with him because he refuses to book us while
still drinking in the same luvvie's drinking den only 3 feet away from
him... However, we do actually get on which is a bit of a stumbling
block.
Dave Dynamite
Following on from his resignation at the end
of Mr Damage's 9 month tour of Australia several years ago Dave Dynamite was
head of sick cover. It was Mr Dynamite s job to be driven to the
edge of a nervous breakdown by the responsibilities of running the Pear to
the point where even doing PJ gigs seemed like a career option. Dave
enjoys driving busses and being working class but has given up this career in
public transport to go full time into the comedy industry. He hopes one
day to read a book.
Henning Wehn
Hackney Empire new act of the Year Henning is
our emergency emergency compere and was used to fulfil European Union
Guidelines that every comedy club must contain at least one German.
However, there was an emergency that meant he never actually got to
compere. Now we can't afford him. http://www.henningwehn.de
Phil Klein
Is Chief Competitor http://www.philklein.co.uk?
Paul Foot
Paul Foot is head of
Knowing Better.
It is his job not to
turn up any more and to go on television instead.
Steve Carlin
Steve Carlin is deputy head of Knowing Better.
It is his job to say he's not going to turn up... then turn up.
Although now Stewart Lee's support act there is still the off chance he may
visit the Pear sometime between now and hell freezing over. He was disgusted
by the wiring in the Pear – which he described as "Dickensian even
though in the era of Dickens there was not any electric light". He
has recently completed his first full length show all about his desire for
his own nemesis because he is very jealous of the close working relationship
between Anthony Miller and Mike Manera.
Gareth Berliner
Gareth is teetotal due
to not able to control his water intake.
Mr Miller booked him
to compere once because he doesn't have to buy him a pint.
Joel Elnaugh
Joel is head character act. As a
RADA graduate it is his job to impersonate someone who is a bit deluded
– after having done which he goes into the toilets for half an hour and
mentally de-programs himself by saying, "I am Peter Smith from Croydon
and I have a girlfriend". He has a regular spot at the Comedian's
Graveyard http://www.thecomediansgraveyard.co.uk judging
the pick of new talent that's bothered to phone to get a slot. His
comments on Mr Miller are "I've seen him many times and he tends towards
the same jokes several times whereas I like to see a bit more variety".
Joel has been variously described as "the future of comedy" Anthony
Miller and "A Quality act, he'd be the first person I'd book to close.
...a club down" Dizzy High. He was last seen on the televisual
talent show ÒX-FactorÓ where Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh
were of one mind on his potential to be the next big thing and rebuild the
multi-million pound fortune his sister has yet to totally recoup on the
televisual game show ÒDragonÕs DenÓ.
Ray Presto
Ray is deputy time filler. A retired
magician with a vast array of material ranging from Christmas Cracker gags to
astute one liners he has even been known to give the audience five pounds of
his own money. Ray is a regular at the Comedy Store – having
beaten the Gong more times than he has drawn his pension. You have
probably even seen him listed in the Comedy Store program as "an open
spot". Unfortunately this success has given him a bit of vanity
and he does tend to over run. Ray is probably too big for the Pear now.
Pam Ford
Pam Ford is Head of
Commuting.
It is Pam's job to
come help out in dire emergencies – even though this requires stoic
commuting.
Persephone Lewin
Persephone's current act is a comedy striptease (suitable
for children) assisted by Pere. the penguin, who plays a trumpet. It is
clean, character comedy where Mme Fifi ends by playing a hosepipe. 'Refreshingly
original. I've never seen anything like it.' Brandi Borr, director of Comedy
Cabaret. You may have seen her briefly on the opening credits of the
first of the competition heats, which went out on BBC 3, 2003 or you may have
read her articles in Practical Boat Owner, Britain's biggest selling yachting
magazine. Her first book is to be published this year about her day job,
which is matching injury marks on victims of murder with weapons.
Nik Coppin
A very chatty act, whose conversational style
is quick to build audience rapport, there's absolutely nothing to dislike
from such an affable performer as Coppin except that he seems to have Pear
Shaped confused with the Phoenix Bar and uses it as a socializing space
instead of getting his arse up on stage. Sometimes if he refuses to
perform Alan Wilde tells his jokes for him. Not for him in particular
– Alan is prepared to perform the set of anybody who comes down and then
can't actually be arsed.
Dave Ward
Dave is Head of
unexpected visitations.
Mike Manera
Mike Manera
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a
comedian who is in possession of ambition, must be in want of a Mike Manera.
However little known the feelings or views of Mr Manera may be on his first
entering a comedy club, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the
surrounding comedians, that he is considered as the rightful property of some
one or other of the comics. http://www.upstairscomedy.com Mr Manera has a
love/hate relationship with the Pear (actually it's mostly hate!). His
views differing from "You really are a cunt Miller" to
"Alright Miller. I'll be your bitch this once." Mr
Manera "pisses on Mr Miller from a great height as a comedian, so FUCK
YOU little man" and does not "play his little shithole of a club
anymore (apologies to Brian & Krysstal, it's fun when you guys are
there)", and does not book Mr Miller for his club because "the last
time I saw him be funny was in 1973 (or something). OK, what I am saying is
it was a long time ago)". Mr Manera describes his evenings
compering the Pear as an "awful experience. I don't know how you
can put yourself through it". Which is odd because the general
public seem to enjoy the nights he has hosted and so do the acts so we can
only conclude that he is a man with no self-esteem. We cannot thank his
generosity of spirit for giving of his extremely valuable time and energy to
the club enough. Some people have him down for a bit of a patronising
snob – but not us! Although it should be pointed out that we don't know
Mr Manera. We really don't. We've met briefly at a few gigs over the
years but we definitely do not know him socially – at all! A
while ago the stress of his executive lifestyle became too much for Mr Manera
and he handed his whole empire over on a plate to Phil Klein who handed it
over to Dizzy High who handed it over to Mr Manera who books Mr Miller
sometimes despite his instance that he wouldn't, doesn't and hasn't. Such are
the stresses involved in full time promoting. He was last seen
performing in a Free Finge show with Micheal Fabbri.
Stewart Lee
Stewart is head of keeping a low profile. It
is StewartÕs job to keep a low profile and not have to flee the country
because of death threats. Stewart sometimes comes to Pear Shaped at Midnight
because he knows that the Management of Pear Shaped are laid back and in no
way social climbing and he can keep a low profile without people continually
pointing at him and saying ÒThereÕs Stewart LeeÓ or people pointing digital
cameras at him or us trying to milk him for every iota of publicity we an eek
out of him. One of the people in this photo might be Stewart Lee but weÕre
not telling you which one because weÕre afraid of Christian Voice and are big
pussies. ThatÕs why we donÕt book him often. ItÕs got nothing to do
with us just not being in his league. No not at all. ThatÕs a slander
put about by Stephen Green.
Christopher Graham
Collins
Christopher is deputy head of keeping a low
profile. It is his job to be surrounded by glum Channel 4 executives and not
be commented on. You cannot read about the Pear Shaped Comedy Club in his
autobiography ISBN 0099426870
The Bloomsbury Group
http://bloomsbury.denise-randle.co.uk/intro.htm
As you can tell from his attire Mike Manera is
the sole survivor of the Bloomsbury group – a name given to the
literary group that made the Fitzroy Tavern the centre of its activities from
1904 to World War II. It included Lytton Strachey , Virginia Woolf , Leonard
Woolf, E. M. Forster , Vita Sackville-West , Roger Fry , Clive Bell , Mike
Manera and John Maynard Keynes . The group began as a social clique: a few recent
Cambridge graduates and their closest friends would assemble on Thursday
nights for drinks and conversation. Its members were committed to a rejection
of what they felt were the strictures and taboos of Victorianism on
religious, artistic, social, and sexual matters. They remained a fairly
tight-knit group for many years; recent biographers have detailed their
tangled personal relations. By the 1920s Bloomsbury's reputation as a
cultural circle was fully established to the extent that its mannerisms were
parodied and the Phoenix Bar opened. Bloomsbury became a widely used
term connoting an insular, snobbish aestheticism. Unique in the brilliance,
variety, and output of its members, the group has remained the focus of
widespread scholarly and popular interest. It was in the very same room
as Pear Shaped now inhabits that Vita Sackville-West first suggested gassing
poor people.
Charlie Chaplin
Many famous comedians started out at the Pear Including
Charlie Chaplin who was so impressed with what Mr Miller could do with the
spoken word that he went on to make himself famous in a silent medium.
ANNOUNCEMENT
Mr Damage would like to make it clear that he
has no knowledge whatsoever of this page or any page like it on this or any
other website anywhere and that all references to people living or dead are
just references which may or may not exist in the mind or minds of the author
himself or herself who shall remain nameless and shameless unless named and
or shamed by a victim or victims of his or her razor sharp tongue. Mr Damage
is feeling extremely affable today unlike Mr Miller. On a lighter note Mr
Damage would like to formally apologise to hardened Pear Shaped fans for the
lack of apostrophes and inverted commas in this text. They appear to have
been misappropriated by person or persons unknown. Investigations are under
way.
Thanks to
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